Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
