is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So squirting runs in the family.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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