The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
