Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
this is an emotional support booty call
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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