we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
