she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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