the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
