Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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