my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
