I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
