So drunk its hurt
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
