I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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