We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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