When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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