Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
