Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Someone signed my nipple.
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