I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
