Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
