There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
