her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
