I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
