he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
