I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
