How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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