im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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