Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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