At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
