Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
