Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
