then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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