If i come over, it means nothing
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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