I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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