Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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