she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
