I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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