hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
