So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
