He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
