She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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