I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
