You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize