i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
