If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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