You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
