Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
