you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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