Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
