I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
