You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
