is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
