I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
