Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
