How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
