If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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