i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
