I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
