oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize