i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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