actually, I'm a sock model
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
