He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize