I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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