left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
