I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
