Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
