He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
